I am soooo hosed ....

I have been trying to practice a parenting concept that my friend Karrie calls Ask - Tell - Make rather than my own rather automatic Ask - Yell - Spank (I am still way too impressed with my little rhyme). At any rate, it has been doing well in some areas. In others, we are still working on it. Another consequence I have used very successfully is that of the cold shower. I started that when Robert was nearly 4 and still refusing to poop in the toilet. I remember feeling at the time that while I might have to clean him up there was no reason that he had to enjoy it (Robert really likes hot water). It took exactly 3 luke-warm (which to him is sub-arctic) showers to convince him that the toilet wasn't quite so inconvenient. From then on, I applied this theory to other situations as well ... again pretty successfully. It takes the frustration out of the punishment - unlike spanking which can still be done with a fair amount of anger and thus can be taken too far. By the time you get the kid undressed and in the tub, most of the initial frustration is gone and the only satisfaction to be had is the turning of the knob (of course in the case of my overly dramatic children, the absolutely blood curdling shrieks before the water has even touched them can be rather therapeutic to a frustrated adult, but I digress ...) At any rate, this has been very effective with Robert and also with Joshua as he is getting to that same age and, again, really likes hot water. Tonight was Ben's first opportunity to experience this dire punishment. He decided not to come with the other two when I called for the shower (warm) time. He was too busy playing. I informed him that if he didn't come then he would not be getting warm water - he just grinned. So, trying to follow through even though I don't have the time or the energy, I finished the other two and got them dressed and settled and then went to "make" Ben do what I had asked him ... adding that cold consequence. I might have known I'd had it too easy up until now. I started luke-warm, Ben just giggled. I turned the water colder and he started laughing out loud. I threw the knob all the way over to cold, just to see if he would notice, and he just clapped and played with the water. Back to the drawing board ........